Currently accepting applications for the sought-after position of BFF.
Interested parties will be jugded in the following areas:
~ An entergetic willingness to listen to long stories, which could include multiple tangents, that may never reach the original point.
~ An unfailing tendency to show up, completely unannounced, and walk right through the front door.
~ Guilt-free ability to make oneself at home in the other’s kitchen.
~ Eagerness to give and take in relatively equal amounts with an understanding that, at some point, either party may require more giving/taking.
~ Capacity to spend unoccupied time sitting around doing nothing.
~ Ability to call companion at any hour, if so inclined, and a willingness to accept calls of a similar nature.
~ Capability to graciously exchange opinions which differ, with no underlying intentions of conversion to applicant’s point of view. Failure to judge based on differing opinions is a must.
~ Proficiency in the following areas: honesty (with companion), reliability, and trustworthiness.
~ Similar interests are not required, but tolerance and/or willingness to participate in interests of companion is a plus.
~ Applicants should not be deterred by loud, flailing, spastic outbursts that could spontaneously occur by companion, her children, or her pets.
~ Eventual ability to complete each other’s sentences will be expected.
Candidates MUST enjoy children and understand that children and husband have needs which must be met by interviewer.
Appreciation for family, holidays, and simple pleasures is greatly preferred.
Prospects will not be judged on race, religion, or gender. However, to appease the husband, interviewer may ensure that any interested males be gay and/or the wrong “type.” Individuals may or may not be currently involved in interviewer’s life.
If selected, life-long commitment is requested. Fifty years from now, the ideal candidate will be found sipping a glass of wine in a rocking chair next to the interviewer.
Interested parties may apply via internet, telephone, or in person.
Multiple candidates may be selected.