Airing a Few Grievances

grievancesI’m going to do my best to make these as general as possible. I know if I were on the receiving end of this blog, I wouldn’t want my identity easily determined. Therefore, I’m going to genuinely attempt to protect all of my friends, family, frenemies, or other people mentioned in this blog. My goal isn’t anything other than getting some things off my chest. I’m not trying to embarrass anyone.

1. To a certain family member:
I hope you know how much I love you. I know what I said the other night upset you, and I can’t blame you for that. If someone made a similar statement about Josh, I would definitely be hurt. But here’s my problem. Your significant other acts as if s/he is better than everyone. S/he doesn’t speak unless it’s to tell someone they are wrong or illustrate his/her superior knowledge. You are both so young and have so much to learn. Neither one of you has ANY of the answers to problems in the real world. I don’t need either one of you trying to tell me how to raise my kids, care for my cats, interact with my husband, or manage any of my other affairs. As part of my family, I value your opinion tremendously. However, you need to realize that you are not at the same place in life as I am. You honestly have no idea what it’s like to be me. I’m not complaining about my life. I love my life and wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. All I’m trying to say is neither one of you have a clue about what your talking about. In my opinion, you both mask your personal insecurities with judgments about me, my husband, and my little family. (I’ll be elaborating on this in a later section of this blog b/c it applies to several other people too.) The fact is, I could probably get along with your significant other quite well. S/he has several traits I really admire and we have a lot in common. The problem is his/her attitude. Furthermore, your attitude drastically changes when s/he is around. I’m not just saying this to be mean. Ask anyone who knows you. It’s a frequent topic of conversation when your not around. And, no, I NEVER start that conversation. Despite what you may think, I don’t talk about either one of you. I’ve been asked to share my opinion several times, and I always decline. It would be so wrong of me to talk about you like that. Of course, Josh knows what I think. He’s my husband. He knows everything about me. That’s why I said what I said to him. I NEVER would have said that if I knew you were there. I didn’t say it to hurt you. There’s no denying that I was being catty and mean. Even though I was talking to my husband, I shouldn’t have said that in public. I am so so sorry for hurting you. I know that I was wrong. None of what I have written is supposed to justify what happened the other night. I was being nasty. I got caught. That’s all. I sincerely hope nothing changes between us. In a way, I’m glad I got caught. It’s what I deserved, and I learned my lesson. But while there’s lessons going around, maybe the two of you could evaluate the way you act. I know you’re in love, but you are not the only two people in the world. If you continue to isolate yourselves the way you do, one day you’re going to wake up to find you are all the other has left. That may not seem so bad to you now, but that’s because your immature. You need friends. You need a support system. Life is challenging and you are both going to need other people to lean on, both as a couple and individuals. I don’t pretend to have all the answers; I know I don’t. However, I do have a few more than the two of you. I just hope you can look past your anger and see the truth in what I’m saying. I probably never would have said any of this; it’s not my place to tell you how to live. But what the hell, while you’re already upset, you might as well hear it all.

2. To a certain frenemy:
Are you even aware that your a frenemy? I know you’ve always been handed everything, so maybe you don’t realize how selfish you really are. You were NEVER there for me. You expected me to be there for you anytime you had some little drama to discuss, but you rarely returned the favor. You were only there for me if you had nothing better to do. The same goes for just hanging out. I was just your backup plan. If you couldn’t find anyone better to hang out with, then you’d come see me. That is not a friendship. Our realationship consisted of me giving and you taking. Anytime I wasn’t available to give, you got all pissy. May I remind you, I have a husband and two kids. While I love you dearly, you are not my number one priority. It’s not fair for you to expect to be either. It’s one thing for you to expect your friends to put their boyfriends on the back burner to hold your hand through some sophomoric catastrophe, but it’s another to expect me to do that to my husband. Hello, he’s my HUSBAND. He’s my world and he’s number one. Always and forever. There’s no getting around that. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be there for you in an emergency or time of emotional turmoil, but come on. You expected me to tell my husband that what you wanted outweighed what he wanted. That’s never going to happen. If you can’t accept that, I guess it’s good that we’ve distanced ourselves from each other.

3. To several of our friends:
I am so sick of hearing your little judgments and nasty remarks. If you think what you say doesn’t get back around to me, you’re wrong. NEWS FLASH: almost everyone in our peer group talks about people. So, while yall have a good ole time sitting around talking about me, they also talk to me about you talking about me. If you’re going to talk about me, that’s fine. But before you do next time, take a nice long look at yourself. Why is it exactly that your talking about me? Well, let me offer you my humble opinion. The fact is, you’re jealous of me. You look at Josh and me and our “situation” and you fear in your heart that you couldn’t have handled it. You see how well we’re doing and instead of being happy for us, it disgusts you. Why is that? It’s because you know that just because you pop your blood clotting, cancer causing, abortifacient pill every day, doesn’t mean there’s any guarantee you’re not going to turn up pregnant. Sure they’re 99% effective when taken at the same time every day, but you know that you forget sometimes. Or take it late. Or do that cute little thing where you take two pills the next day in a frantic effort to not have to have any responsibilities in the midst of your fun. All of you that are out there making your little judgements could find yourselves in our “situation” just as easily as we did. And then what would you do? You have no idea. Well guess what? Neither did I. I was scared and unprepared. I was not “ready” to be a mom. I wasn’t done having my fun. But let me tell you this: there is no way I would trade my “situation” for your shallow, “fun” filled, career driven lives. I wouldn’t trade places with you for anything in the world. And that’s what really gets you. You can’t figure out why I didn’t curl up in a little ball and die. You can’t figure out how I could possibly be so happy when I’m doing exactly the opposite of what I’m “supposed” to be doing to have fun and be happy at this point in my life. So here’s my point: keep on talking. Every time I hear the nasty things that come out of your mouths, although it may sting a little, I know that you are just insecure, scared children who have no idea who you are or what life is really about.


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