It’s recently occurred to me how strange blogging really is. Especially for me. Believe it or not I’m actually a pretty private person. In fact, when Josh and I first got married, that was a frequent cause for “disagreement.” His family is very open and will share, and ask you to share, all kinds of information. In the beginning, I felt like Josh was sharing way too much of our personal business, and, as I said, there was “disagreement.” So how ridiculous is it that, now, I engage in this virtual exhibitionism we so lovingly refer to as blogging.
When I first started my blog, it was just a new way to journal. I’ve always loved journaling, so why not do it online? Less hand cramps, right? Then, as is the nature with blogs, people started reading it. For the most part it’s a bunch of anonymous someones and a few people I know. I was ok with that, even liked it. I thought it was a lot of fun to see how many people read my babblings on any given day and even more fun to get a comment or two. Now, I’m starting to feel a little embarrassed and insecure about it.
I think maybe it comes from the recent local “notoriety” I’ve stumbled into. When we are out and about running errands, people always see me. Sometimes they come up and say hi. Sometimes they just tell me after the fact that they saw me at whatever location on whatever day. (At which point I start frantically searching my mind, Was I yelling at my kids? Was I being snippy with my husband? Had I even showered that day? Just kidding…sort of…) Sometimes I don’t even know the person who is talking to me until they introduce themselves. I don’t mind any of that. I’m in ministry and can’t really do any ministry without someone to minister to. But I’m still getting used to the fact that people know me even when I don’t know them.
That’s kind of how it’s been all along here on my blog but (and I don’t at all mean this offensively) you are all just virtual anonymous someones, not my neighbors, people who go to my church, and parents of the kids entrusted to me. It kind of freaks me out that someone could see me at Target, identify me, and “know” things about me based on what I publish on the internet. Obviously, I don’t publish things that I wouldn’t want people to know, but it just seems a little strange. It kind of makes me feel naked. Actually, it’s more like knowing that some people possess x-ray glasses that are disguised to look like regular glasses. You would never know if that person could see right through you or not. I don’t use that analogy to imply I put up a front for people. It’s just the best I could come up with. You know how people never talk to you about the things they hear about you? Well, yeah, I don’t want to fuel that fire.
I’m not saying I’m going to quit blogging or anything . I like my blog, even though I often neglect it. I just think people should say if their reading your blog, not just lurk in the shadows collecting information about you. That kind of creepy. But, then again, so is exhibitionism.