F is for Freedom

For the month of April, I’m blogging about Adjusting to Life with Baby Number 5Click here to see all the posts in this series.

braveheart freedomThis morning I realized that my older kids have way too much freedom. More accurately, they’re letting the time they spend unsupervised go to their heads, and they very clearly don’t understand the difference between freedom and license.

You see, my sweet infant goes to bed most nights around 2AM. Once she’s asleep, she sleeps pretty well – usually around 6 hours. Since I’m exhausted, I sleep with her. That means most mornings I don’t get up until 8ish. The boys get up around 6ish.  They were doing fine with this at first, but over the last week or so, the wheels have been coming off.

Today when I got up the ENTIRE house had been completely ransacked. There wasn’t any flooring visible anywhere. Apparently, they were having some kind of war and they used all the clean laundry as bombs. And when they ran out of laundry they started using markers. And I guess the markers got boring or something because then they started using markers without tops on. So, not only was the floor missing, but there were streaks of color on the walls and lamp shades and everywhere.

I’ll give them a few points for creativity, but mostly I was just furious.

And to top it all off, the cries of battle woke up the toddler, who usually sleeps in pretty late.

I firmly believe that my job as a parent is not to teach my kids how to follow rules. (Although that’s certainly a stepping stone on the path.) I think my ultimate goal is to teach my children virtue and help them know who they are so they know how to act even when no one is watching or telling them what to do. I want them to understand the difference between freedom and license.

Based on the rebel uprising that took place this morning, I guess I’ve got my work cut out for me.

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When Kids Answer the Phone

My grandmother emailed this to me, so you may have seen it before. I never had, but I can totally picture something like this happening at my house…

…except my kids wouldn’t be shocked at all that I like beer.

….and I would be totally shocked that they had the good sense to leave a note with the message.

image001

Bath Time Multitasking

mop the bathroom

That’s also what I mean when I say I cleaned the bathtub.

Maybe that’s bad…

But I just tell myself that I’m multitasking.

It’s Killin’ Me

Just one little funny before I hit the sack…

Tonight, Andy informed my mother that Kindergarten was “easy peasy” but “first grade is killin’ [him].” That boy cracks me up! I love the things that come out of his little mouth.

Bless his little heart. The only thing that’s “killin’ him” is phonics. And he does quite well with it. It’s just that he has to put some effort into it this year and that’s a new concept for him. He wants to breeze right through, but we’re having to spend some time on each lesson. Poor baby. I sure hope he survives. Little does he know we’re just starting out on this great big adventure called education.

Oh, my mom also reported that Andy said I’m the “Queen of Phonics.” Who knew that reading above a first grade level could earn me such a title? :) What a gift my sweet boys are!

It’s Not Me; It’s You.

Dear Procrastination,

This just isn’t working out. It’s not me, it’s you. I need you to pack your things and move out immediately. I just can’t waste any more time with you.

I can’t say that it hasn’t been fun, but that’s just not good enough anymore. Please don’t make a scene, or conjure up all kinds of ideas of things we can to do together. This really has to end. Now. Besides, I’ve met someone else. His name is Productivity. Granted, he and I don’t seem to fit together as naturally as you and I do, but I’m determined to make it work. He can take me places you can’t. It’s as simple as that.

I’m sorry to be so harsh, but I don’t see another way. I’ve tried to drop hints and show you how we’re growing apart, but nothing seemed to be working. It just has to end. And I felt like you need to know exactly why.

I’ll certainly look back on the time we spent together fondly, but I’m looking forward to getting to the point where I don’t miss you anymore. I’ll be better off without you. I know I will. I just need you to accept this and move on. You’ll find someone else. Someone better suited for your romping. We’ll both be better off; you’ll see.

The time we’re spending together is in vain, as I’m just growing resentful. When we part, I’m left feeling angry and even used. I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t care if you don’t understand. This is the way it has to be.

Please try and forget we ever knew each other so intimately. I’m not looking back and I won’t change my mind. Starting now, I’m moving on. Really. I am. Yes, it’s hard for me to walk away. But I just have to be strong. I can get past you. I will. I’m done. I’m not falling for you again. Forget moving out of my life. I’ll leave. I’ll be better off for it, you’ll see. Years from now, when we meet again, you’ll hardly know me, and you’ll be exactly as I left you. That’s why it has to happen now. Goodbye, Procrastination. I’m leaving now. Like Fergie said, “Big girls don’t cry.”

In Case of Rapture: We’ll Adopt Your Pets

       Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA
The next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World

So this is the funniest, most brilliant, and saddest thing I’ve ever seen in such a long time. (Click the paw print above to be taken to the most awesome website EVER!) The atheists behind this are crazy smart and I would LOVE to know how much they’re raking in with this venture. Too bad I never thought of something like this. The Christians who are buying into this just make me sad. I think they are the reason it’s so easy for people to dismiss Christianity as nothing more than mythology. Now, before anyone gets in a tizzy because their pastor told them the rapture was coming, let me explain.

There simply will not be a rapture like the one described in those Left Behind books. We actually had to read the first one in my religion class senior year of high school. My teacher didn’t think so, but it was laughable. I didn’t know any better at the time, and, truthfully, I didn’t really care a whole lot back then, but this whole idea of rapture is totally backwards from what is presented in Sacred Scripture.

The rapture refers to a passage in First Thessalonians, chapter 4, which talks about Christians being “caught up” in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Many Christians believe, and the Left Behind books promote, that this being “caught up” to meet the Lord will occur before the Great Tribulation which is headed our way in the near future. Christians will simply vanish, meet Jesus somewhere in the air, and then return with Him to Heaven to await the end of time.

But get this, in verse 17, Paul says that “…we who are alive, who are left,” shall be caught up. Remember that…those who are “left” get caught up to meet the Lord.

The Left Behind books get their name from a passage in Luke 17 and a similar passage in Matthew 24 which talk about the coming of the Lord being like the days of Noah and the days of Lot. Matthew 24 puts it this way: “As were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of man…they ate, they drank, they married and they did not know until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of man. Then two men will be in the field, one is taken and one is left. Two women grinding at the mill, one is taken one is left.”

“See,” rapture enthusiasts say, “One is taken, one is left…the rapture! Jesus takes the Christians and leaves behind non-Christians!”

Two problems with that interpretation: First, Jesus’ coming is being compared to the days of Noah and the days of Lot. After the flood, who was left? Noah and his family…the good guys…the bad guys were taken! After Sodom and Gomorrah went up in smoke, who was left? Lot and his daughters…the good guys…the bad guys were taken! Second, remember 1 Thessalonians? It says that those who are “left” get to meet Jesus in the air. The good guys are left behind to meet Jesus.

In other words, you want to be left behind so that you can get caught up in the clouds to meet Jesus in the air and accompany Him back to earth at His second and final coming. There will be no rapture like the one the Left Behind books talk about…that view is simply not scriptural.

My office mates and I got a good kick out of this one yesterday. The best part is: I actually discovered this ingenious, entrepreneurial venture when I heard them talking about Eternal Earth Bound Pets on a Christian radio station. They weren’t specifically promoting it, but the DJs seemed to think it was a good idea. Wake up people. Read your Bible. In case of rapture, I will be here. With my pets. Until Jesus comes. Holla at the rest of you. :)